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What Can I GET From This Relationship?

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We Love People For What They Can Give Us

As time goes on, clarity is gained.  We begin to realize that we are the source of all of our suffering. When we suffer, we cannot accept the way things are.  We cannot find acceptance because we have forgotten our ability to create.

We agonize in relationships, drawing battle lines and secretly harboring resentments because we want and expect someone to behave differently. When they do not treat us the way we expect, we immediately find them guilty and attack them with our thoughts and words.  When we do not know how to honor ourselves as God, we look to someone else to honor us, worship us and validate our worthiness.  This is when the first step to insanity begins. When we look to any other source other than our higher power to validate us, we will always suffer.

As we go deeper into making a relationship what we want it to be, we begin to manipulate the situation and demand changes be made.  Who are those changes for?  If an individual wants to change, they will. We expect others to change for us because if they love us, they will give us what we want.  We must be honest. We are in relationships to get.  There is no realization that we already have or that we alone can create what we need.  So, we drive forward, hammering away until we completely destroy any love or sacredness in the relationship. Somebody must be wrong. If we must have secret conversations with others about the people in our lives, where has our intimacy with our partners gone?

We Must Accept People Not Change Them

In all relationships, there is a call to sacredness.  We honor each other as part of God.  We get in to trouble when we say, “I will love and accept this one, but under these conditions.” We want to be god in our own private needy universe.  When we honor ourselves as God, we have no difficulty honoring others as part of God, regardless on how they chosen to live their lives. After all, its not up to us to decide for others.  It is up to us to live in a fashion that honors our creativity and faith- a testament to our dedication to the one relationship. We abandon our needs and expectations of others.  We focus solely on our own presence as the Creator of our experience.

And when the memory of God has come to you in the holy place of forgiveness you will remember nothing else, and memory will be as useless as learning, for your only purpose will be creating. Yet this you cannot know until every perception has been cleansed and purified, and finally removed forever. Forgiveness removes only the untrue, lifting the shadows from the world and carrying it, safe and sure within its gentleness, to the bright world of new and clean perception. There is your purpose now. And it is there that peace awaits you.

A Course in Miracles




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